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Taxes Generally

We have long had death and taxes as the two standards of inevitability. But there are those who believe that death is the preferable of the two. “At least,” as one man said, “there’s one advantage about death; it doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” — Erwin N. Griswold

[The Internal Revenue Code is] about 10 times the size of the Bible—and unlike the Bible, contains no good news. — Don Nickles

I don’t know if I can live on my income or not—the government won’t let me try it. — Bob Thaves (“Frank and Ernest”)

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax. — Albert Einstein

The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code. — John F. Iekel

The Legislative Process

[American tax laws] are constantly changing as our elected representatives seek new ways to ensure that whatever tax advice we receive is incorrect. — Dave Barry

Nothing guarantees more applause and more support than the call to abolish the IRS. — Frank Luntz

Tax cuts are never as popular with politicians in good times as are tax increases in bad times. — Arthur B. Laffer

I guess you will have to go to jail. If that is the result of not understanding the Income Tax Law I will meet you there. We shall have a merry, merry time for all our friends will be there. It will be an intellectual center, for no one understands the Income Tax Law except persons who have not sufficient intelligence to understand the questions that arise under it. — Elihu Root

[A] democratic government is the only one in which those who vote for a tax can escape the obligation to pay it. — Alexis de Tocqueville

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before. — Art Buchwald

Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either. — Gerald Barzan

Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself in a million years. — Dave Barry

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. — P.J. O’Rourke

Progressivity and Equity

I’ve always been impressed by the attention paid to the dead. The Democrats make sure they get to vote. The Republicans give them a tax cut. — Bob Somerby

The very first Social Security check, for $22.54, was paid in 1940 to a Vermont woman who had paid $22 in Social Security taxes. By the time she died, in 1974, aged 100, she had collected $20,944.42. — Andrew Tobias

The fundamental class division in any society is not between rich and poor, or between farmers and city dwellers, but between taxpayers and tax consumers. — David Boaz

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. — Oscar Wilde

Death is the most convenient time to tax rich people. — David Lloyd George

The Rosetta Stone, . . . whose text in hieroglyphics, demotics [sic], and Greek was the key to revealing the stories of ancient Egypt, was in fact a grant of tax immunity. Which is why, of course, it was engraved in stone and not written on papyrus. — Alvin Rabushka

Take the case of my [son] Huzziya. I made him lord of Tappassanda. But he listened to the people there, saying, “If you give us tax exemptions, we will support you in a rebellion against your father.” So I deposed Huzziya. — Hittite King Hattusili I

Donors who are only interested in the tax benefits of their gifts may give philanthropy a bad name, but their money still helps. — Mark Litzler

A charity ball is like a dance except it’s tax deductible. — P.J. O’Rourke

I don’t know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer. — Mark Twain

Collection and Administration

Beware of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors . . . and miss. — Anonymous

Love will find you when you least expect it. Which makes it more like the IRS than we think. — Jeff MacNelly (“Shoe”)

Some proudly refer to our tax system as “voluntary.” Others cannot help but observe that voluntary systems seem to work best when backed up by mandatory withholding, mandatory reporting, and criminal sanctions. — J. Mark Iwry

Unofficial motto of the Internal Revenue Service: “We have what it takes to take what you have.” — Anonymous

Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution. — Woody Allen

There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him. — Robert Heinlein

Several millennia ago, tribal lords discovered the advantages of collecting some of their people’s property in return for a few identifiable benefits, such as not killing them. Over the centuries, tax collection gained in sophistication, including the relatively novel personal income tax. The new millennium shows no sign of abandoning this system. — Sanford C. Bernstein & Company

[T]o compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves, is sinful and tyrannical. — Thomas Jefferson

Avoidance, Evasion, and Planning

Avoidance of taxes is not a criminal offense. Any attempt to reduce, avoid, minimize, or alleviate taxes by legitimate means is permissible. The distinction between evasion and avoidance is fine yet definite. One who avoids tax does not conceal or misrepresent. He shapes events to reduce or eliminate tax liability and upon the happening of the events, makes a complete disclosure. Evasion, on the other hand, involves deceit, subterfuge, camouflage, concealment, some attempt to color or obscure events, or making things seem other than what they are. — Internal Revenue Service

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. — John Maynard Keynes

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract—teach him to deduct. — Fran Lebowitz

[T]he worse thing about [the week before tax returns are due] may not be the taxes themselves, but the commiserating rhetoric of the politicians who, having created the present system, will spend the next few days deploring it as if it were the handiwork of strangers. — The Washington Post

The First Rule of Practicing Tax Law: “If someone has to go to jail, make sure it’s the client.” — Fred Drasner

There is hardly an American citizen above the poverty level whose tax conscience is so completely clear that he isn’t scared of being audited. — “Diogenes” (nom de plume of an IRS agent)

Jeffery L. Yablon is a partner in the tax practice at Pillsbury Winthrop Shaw Pittman. These quotes are drawn from his compilation As Certain As Death: Quotes About Taxes.